tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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