Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
