Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
