You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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