im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
