You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
from now on my penis is your penis
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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