you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
