your thong is hanging out like whoa
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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