I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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