took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
