Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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