after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Watching her eat just hurts me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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