i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
