I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Damn victory sex feels great
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