broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
