Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
