so explain again why im purple
no
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
