that's an acceptable place to lick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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