Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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