I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
