they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
