i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
