You really coming over, don't trick.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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