This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
