Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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