You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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