That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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