Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
