I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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