Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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