Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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