I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
