i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
