I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
