mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
