I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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