how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
whose parrot is this?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
