but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
third nipple confirmed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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