I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
