he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
