i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
