Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
