Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
