I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Rumble strips road head = magical
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
