If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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