Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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