She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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