yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
nutella sex= disaster
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
