You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
