your room smells of hookers.
And success
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
