If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
